


Typical Friday Night

by Diddle_Riddle



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics), Justice League & Justice League Unlimited (Cartoons)
Genre: But of course he still is as irritating as ever, Don't expect anything serious from this, Ed and Vic are something between her big brothers and adopted dads, Eddie is reformed since way back, Fluff and Crack, Gen, He is a super-skilled detective, I LOVE HER SO MUCH, I created the three relationship tags, It makes me feel so proud, MY BABIES, She's my daughter, So is Vic, Stephanie is Batgirl, They are all so cute, This is crack, Those two drama queen detectives, Yet so lonely at the same time, and funny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-10-08 12:20:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17386370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diddle_Riddle/pseuds/Diddle_Riddle
Summary: Stephanie comes by Eddie and Vic's place to enjoy an evening in family with her favorite nerds. Fun ensues.





	Typical Friday Night

**Author's Note:**

> Warning for what you are about to read : This. Is. Crack.  
> So don't take offence about : how cartoony the characters are here, the fact everything they say is ridiculous, the blatant lack of a plot, and your final deduction being that none of this makes sense.  
> This is not supposed to be taken seriously. I am not sure to have a funny sense of humor, but I had a good time writing this ; I was stressed and needed a good old complete crack to relax. It worked. So I hope it will at least make you smile a little.  
> Enjoy !  
> ; )

"Absolutely not ! We had an _agreement_ on this, you unbeliveable, outrageous savage !"

Stephanie held back a laugh as she heard Eddie's delicate and loving voice adressing to his boyfriend-soon-to-be-fiancé-dear-futur-husband from inside their apartment, as she just arrived and was opening the door.

The last 24 hours had been... productive. A successful night as Batgirl when she finally caught Hush after a week of tracking him in town, and had him sent back to Arkham. A well done vigilante work, followed by a sympathetic day as a college student, when she extended her collection of this year's good grades. She slept something like three hours and a half during the afternoon, and took a short nap between the arrest and the beginning of her civilian life, which was more than enough to be operational. So yeah, it was all quite... satisfying.

But not as much, -not even _close_ -, as listening to her favorite conspiracy theory nerds quarreling about... pretty much everything, as they always did ; and being the one who arbitrated their countless arguments.

"Eddie, Vic !", she called joyfully as she entered the flat. "What's uuuuuup, bitches ?"

"Stephanie dearest !", Edward instantly exclaimed, emerging from the other end of the flat, leading to the bedroom he shared with his partner. "Finally, a _civilized_ and delightful company !"

She refrained another laugh, and stepped forward. A plainly irritated Vic Sage exited the room after him. His dyed black hair with their visible auburn roots were tousled, as if he had been pulling them out, what he did sometimes out of frustration when Edward was in one these 'moods'. Although his expression lightened up as soon as their gazes met, and he smiled.

"Hey there Batgirl.", he greeted formally. "I discovered that Survivor's Eye of the Tiger is in fact a message sent to warn civilians and make them _open their eyes_ , precisely. The song isn't only about fighting to survive, but also to invite people _thinking_ , because that's the only way they could have a fulfilled life. Surviving is the first step, but in order to _live_ , they need to realize that The Truth is Out There, as X-Files always preached. So maybe all it was needed was a well-known song to slowly make people appreciate the fact everybody needs to start questioning the Government's activities and the meaning of _reality._ "

"I feel... so much _better_ and way more _intelligent_ now that I know all this.", she scoffed, to what he answered by a serious nod.

"That's what I experienced myself when I arrived at this eye-opening conclusion. If it has the same impact on other people, then maybe one day I'll have more than three followers on my tumblr. Two of them being the persons currently in this flat."

Her smile grew wider. Just as Ed was about to add something, a loud _crash!_ coming from their bedroom could be heard. The three of them startled before turning hysterically their heads towards the origin of the noise.

"I _swear_ , Sage.", Edward let out through gritted teeth. "If that was the mirror we put in place _two days ago_ , you are going to regret this _dearly_."

A not tranquil swallowing later, the taller man tried a loophole :

"Let's... not check this right now, shall we ? How about we... go out tonight, hu ?", he rather asked, and his tone revealed an audible _hope_ to see his proposition accepted without further investigation on the 'bedroom subject'.

He turned to Steph for support.

"What do you say Miss, get a preference ? Resto, cinema? Museum? Whatever you choose, I invite !"

"Now that you proposed, you'll _have_ to pay for whatever we'll plan.", she smirked in return. "And I could go for a night out... but _only_ if I take a look at what you dorks have done first."

"It wasn't me !", Ed immediately defended himself. "I just come back from work, I spent all _day_ working with _Bullock_ on a case ! What happened to be an atrocious _torture_. That goon is always eating, doing silly jokes and is able to pronounce the most impressive number of appalling things in a very limited time I've ever heard. I swear, even when I had to deal with henchmen whose I.Q. were... alarmingly low, back at when I was the Riddler and desperately tried to make them _understand_ what they had to do, I've never been so bored and exasperated. I had the impression my brain liquefied because of the complete lack of entertaining activity I have been put through today. And as if that wasn't bad enough, the case was a dead end ! Meaning I beared that fool's presence with me, then in _my_ car during _hours_ and it was for... nothing ! So, after this calamitous day, I longed to enjoy a peaceful evening in a decent place, like it was when I left this morning. Except that this was apparently _too much to ask for !_ "

Steph greeted by a huge grin Eddie's vehement complaint about being so unfairly victimized, and an amused, fond expression appeared on Vic's face.

"Don't you dare smile like that, Sage ! My stressful present condition is _your_ entire fault !", he protested right away, causing the other detective to try controlling his raising smile.

Which provoked a truly funny wave movement of his lips as he _was_ smiling but tried not to let it show anymore, while still being very amused by Edward's, as ever, overexaggerated reaction. He must be regretting he had not his Question mask on at the moment...

"That much resentment, Ed ?", Stephanie jeered as she, didn't try to hide her broad smile. "I'm definitely dragging you along for Alfred's weekly yoga lessons next Wednesday. Nope !", she warned, seeing he was about to object. "I just made my decision, so there's nothing you can do to escape this anymore."

Which made him smile against his will. Because well, when had he ever refused anything to Stephanie ?... Proud to see she won another round, the blonde girl turned to Vic, ready to finish him off :

"What have you..."

"Don't...", he pled, trying to interrupt, but it was too late and she ended her sentence :

"... been up to ?"

"... ask that question.", he completed, defeatist.

Then he had no choice but to adopt a resigned face, as Edward responded :

"Glad you're asking ! Come take a look at what this supposedly _genius_ found brilliant to do to occupy his day !"

"Eddie, baby, would you please...", Vic tried desperately, only to meet a very frustrated :

"Don't you 'Eddie-baby' me ! For now I'm mad so it's 'Edward'. Now Steph, contemplate the ultimate legitimisation of my current demise."

And he took her arm, resolute, to guide her across the living-room as she chuckled, already way too happy she came by tonight. Whenever she spent time with those two, will it be on a case, while going out, or simply by sharing their home life (because let's face it, she practically _lived_ with them now), it was _always_ such very, very good moments. A truly desperate Question, whom seemed to be re-evaluating all his life choices, followed them after he sighed deeply ; and they soon arrived at what could easily be called a scene of absolute _chaos_.

The boys' bedroom, usually neatly organized and meticulously tidied (wherever Edward lived, the place could only be _clean_...) was a... mess. A strong burning smell filled the air, a few calcined marks stained the walls, clothes were spread out on the floor, along with an impressive number of various papers coming, no doubt, from case files scattered everywhere. The mirror on the wall was sadly shattered on the floor, leaving sharp glass pieces strewn across the room. Some robotic material could be seen here and there on the partly burnt blue carpet, and the bed had been pushed in haste diagonally against the wall, certainly to free more space for the disaster realisation... or to try to save it from it, one way or the other. And at the core of all this, on the most burnt area, was something looking like a small mechanical prototype, miserably half exploded.

"What... happened ?", Stephanie asked, eying the post-apocalyptic surroundings.

It was a state of total chaos, an overall disorder in the one nothing made any sense anymore, up was down and down ran around. It looked just like Jason's apartment.

"Good _question_.", Edward jested. "Care to answer, you walking disaster ?"

Vic took it in a surprisingly professional manner, since he simply nodded sternly and explained using a detached, analytic tone, with a facial expression he somehow managed to get back at being collected :

"I simply needed to verify a theory about a case I'm trying to solve these days."

"Care to tell her what it is about ?"

Vic's posture straightened up, and he confirmed with dignity :

"Naturally. It was not an... official case, or something a client asked me to look into."

Batgirl smiled, already fearing what will come next. She was not disappointed.

"It is a personal judgement, regarding a conspiracy clearly trying to take over recently.", he went on, perfectly serious as if he was doing a police report.

Except that the subject was... properly hilarious, as Steph quickly found out when he explained with an earnest tone of voice :

"It concerns robot hamsters. While we were at a garden center with Ed last week to buy potting mixture and sphagnum moss to re-pot the monstera deliciosa, I noticed a strange demeanor from the hamsters in the pet store part of the shop. They were turning in circle in their wheels with a disproportinate amount of energy. It was just like they had been _recharged_ , like they were on inhuman... or inanimal, let's say it that way, battery. My first thought watching this oddity had been to think the little creatures were drugged with a high rate of dopamine. But I quickly realized it seemed highly improbable ! So instead, looking deep into their cruel little shining eyes, I understood the most logical explanation : these hamsters were not real pets. They were tiny robots designed to _look_ like innocent animals to fool children, and lure them thanks to their energetic behaviour. It's a great plan : bait children for that they force their parents to buy these pet-machines. Thus it allows whoever is _controlling_ them to sneak into people's house and collect any kind of information... by the eyes of an outwardly innocent tiny ball of fur ! It's evil personified. I don't know what division of the Government is behind this, but soon I'll discover it and shed some light on this gloomy new affair."

He stopped a few seconds, offering a dramatic pause after this last profound sentence, then took back :

"At the store, I would have loved to analyse the hamsters' behaviour further, and to figure out the reason why nobody seemed to notice the strangeness of their conduct. But Edward decided, out of the blue, that it 'was enough' because apparently I was 'scaring the children around by scanning the cages like a mad man' and soon someone will 'make a remark'. So here I was, back to the present, since Ed didn't need me on his case today..."

"It's not that I didn't 'need' you.", he countered. "It's just that today, I happened to be working, or at least trying to, with the _GCPD_. And you have been delivered a strict and formal _prohibition_ to come closer than 150 meters to the H. Q. since the regrettable 'Mr-Freeze-and-his-family-are-Frost-Giants-in-disguise' incident, when you litteraly _traumatized_ everybody there, way more than the original police attack led by supervillains. Even _I_ am more appreciated in the place than you are. While should I remind who's the former rogue here ?"

"No need.", he gravely answered. "Besides, the only reason they don't want me around is because they fear I could find dirty little secrets they're hiding, maybe not even consciously, and I could reveal them to the public."

"Humpf. As if _I_ couldn't do that too."

Vic nodded, somehow proudly, to the comment, then ended his clarification about the reason why their bedroom had been turned into a battlefield :

"So due to that, since today I was on my own and bored, I decided to investigate as I could on the dangerous emergency of the hamsters case. And it started by trying to discover what functions the small robots could possess. My researches started the usual way, by doing a web of plans and links, but then I've been tempted by trying something a little more entertaining. So I started my own conception of a murderous hamster prototype, envisaging all the mass destruction options they could provide. Which, to my great surprise... got a little out of hand, not long before my beautiful and patient Eddie, who've been ruthlessly scolding me since then, came back home. So I didn't even have the time to _begin_ to tidy up that mess."

From infuriated, Ed's face had, slowly but surely, progressed to kinda, then _very_ amused as he completed his demonstration on a deadly serious tone, and he was smiling from ear to ear when his boyfriend finished his analysis. As for Stephanie, she lost it at the first 'robot hamsters' and almost hadn't stopped laughing from there. So at the end, she was half collapsed against Ed, trying to catch her breath. Damnit, she loved these two drama queens way too much.

"This room was perfectly clean this morning. And this poor mirror was just trying to live its life peacefully in its new home.", Edward said with nostalgia afterwards, circling the devastated bedroom with a gesture of his left hand, his other arm put around her shoulders as she was still leaning against him. "And if it was the _first_ time, then I'd say okay, why not... but do you know at how many occasions my flat suffered the attack of this tsunami in a trench coat just this _month ?_ "

"Let me remember...", she smiled, pulling away to stand straight again, as she counted on her fingers. "With this one, I think we are at _six_ occurrences."

"Exactly.", he tragically approved. "And maybe if we were at the _end_ of the month, then I could consent to accept it ; but we are the _11_ _th_ _of the month !_ "

That was just too funny.

"What can I say ?", Vic defended with an attempt at a neutral expression, which was far from being totally convincing since his smile tried to come back. "You asked me to stop blowing up things in my _office_ when I am alone, just because _once_ it backfired on me a little..."

"You ignited the starting of a _fire_ in your office that day, and managed to _knock yourself out_ inside it while the smoke and flames were beginning to reach a critical level.", Edward reminded. "But you're right, it was only 'backfiring a _little_ '."

They glared defiantly at each other like bratty five years old after that, daring the other to say otherwise. Steph chuckled.

"So Vic.", she interrupted their petty glance fight. "Your brilliant conclusion to 'not blowing things up inside your office' anymore had been to go blow things up in your _bedroom_. That's... smart."

Ed let out a giggle at her remark, and Question an irritated huff.

"I didn't plan it would end that way.", he retorted. "Not only am I not allowed to play with prototypes when there's no one around, but I am not either supposed to install potentially destructive weapons in _our_ flat. So I am only playing with innocent devices that aren't intended to cause much damage when they function correctly."

"You mean, these _explosive_ 'innocent devices'?"

"Ah, so you _do_ recognize they are innocent ! Then why are you making a scene out of nothing here ?!"

"... I quit.", Eddie sighed after staring for long seconds with what could be called the ultimate representation of a _done_ expression. "Steph, you witnessed how patient and devoted I've been once again, so you can assert none of this is my fault."

"Sure.", she mocked. "As ever, you proved how much of a model of 'patience' and 'devotion' you are. I'll even add you deserve the medal of taking with _absolute calm_ whatever little inconvenience shows up on your path. You should give lessons about self-control, I'm sure everybody with a tendency of overreacting could learn _a lot_ from you.", she concluded, smirking even more, and Vic, whom was now smiling openly, emphasized the joke :

"Indeed, these people could take note of for how exaggerated their reactions are, there is always far worse within the area : Edward Nygma. So when their friends call them drama queens, they could always prove there is an all other, _higher_ level of that. I think it would actually be quite therapeutic and help them improve their consideration of themselves."

Stephanie and him shared an accomplice, proud nod, then turned back to Ed who glared at them both and muttered :

"... I hate it when you guys team-up against me."

It quickly appeared afterwards that no one had the energy to clean up the mess right now, in a Friday evening. Even if they knew they'll certainly regret it tomorrow, the boys decided things were going to 'stay that way' for now, they'll deal with it later. It became obvious however that it was required to take Edward _out_ of the apartment, to detract him from the devastated bedroom ; otherwise they'll hear him complain about it all evening until he couldn't take it anymore and will storm inside, then play his Monica Geller from Friends by starting frantically scrubbing everything clean.

So to avoid witnessing such a scene, which was a common and recurrent sight, Steph took the wise decision to distract the redhead by going out. After all... Vic proposed it already earlier, didn't he ? Taking advantage of this, because this world was merciless and nothing that someone says won't be used against him one way or another, Stephanie relaunched the Friday night topic by reminding :

"You _did_ say you'd pay for whatever tonight, right Mulder ?"

"I did...", he confirmed, now regretting a little he came up with such a bad idea and exposed it to _those_ two.

Whom shared an accomplice glance, grinning smugly, what didn't help his unsure state.

"Then let's _dance_ tonight.", Stephanie affirmed with a huge smile, as Ed and her clapped their hands together as if they won a victory.

Oh no, not again...

"Is there really... nothing _else_ that interests you guys ?", Vic tried to escape from this tragic faith. "I saw the ice cream parlour at the 47th avenue changed its shop sign. I've always suspected the food from there to be filled with non ethical ingredients, but now their new logo shows a spaceship and their motto became 'The best ice creams in the galaxy'. Not only is this a terrible catchphrase, but I also suspect their real purpose, hidden behind tons of unappetizing savors, to be sinistrous and linked with an incoming extraterrestrial invasion."

"That will be for another day.", Eddie smiled. "I don't doubt that going through a crappy ice cream parlour's trash must be... fascinating ; but for tonight let's stay at a dancefloor."

"... You don't know what you're missing."

"But we know what we'll win.", Steph retorted. "That is : the intense pleasure of seeing your moves following the rhythm."

"... I feel like I'm being targeted by two vengeful ladybugs."

They stayed still a short moment after his dramatic declaration, looking at each other with suspicious eyes and a fake serious expression.

Then as ever, they lost it pretty fast and ended up laughing together, this time in the demolished bedroom which will need _hours_ of cleaning. But well... fighting over how disorganized of a person Vic was and how, on the other hand, _hysteric_ Eddie was about cleaning up had always been... part of the fun. And as for each area they constantly fought about, it was one of the reason their strange, special bond was also so strong.

As she exited the apartment later in the evening, walking between her two adopted dads -or at least, adopted big brother / mama Eddie since way back, and soon-to-be _officially_ adopted second big brother / dad Vic when he'll finally find the courage to take that engagement ring out of the closet and introduce it properly-, Stephanie thought once again that she truly, sincerely _loved_ the turn her life had taken.

"Have you seen that ?", Question suddenly asked, stopping on the sidewalk and causing their little chain to halt abruptly as they were walking down the street to reach a quite famous and enjoyable nightclub.

"No, what is it ?", she inquired, looking at the direction he pointed at.

"The people inside that grey car which just passed in front of us ! I recognized the kid in the backseat, he is one of the children who bought a robot hamster ! And he just threw something to the pavement from his car window ! It looks like... a plastic wrapping ! He left it behind him, it must mean something ! I need to check this, it could be important !"

"Yes...", Eddie sighed with a smile. "Just as important as when you urged me Wednesday to follow that old lady in the supermarket after she... what was your wording again ?", he scoffed. "Oh yes, I remember : after she picked a steak and put it in her trolley, but was not carrying a freezer bag with her. Which led to your brilliant deduction : 'she is a creature with a demonic lamprey like in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and is using this red meat to feed defenseless young waiters to... slow their brain capacity and make them taste better'. I'm pretty sure we _traumatized_ that poor woman by tracking her across the shelves."

"... That was a false alarm, I let myself being blinded, mostly by the fact that old person was way too similar in appearance to the creature Buffy fought in the Doublemeat Palace. Season 6 episode 12. A gross and weird story."

Stephanie and Ed shared a look. That show wasn't even one he really _liked_ , and was far from being his favorite ; he much preferred aliens and conspiracies to monsters and supernatural. Yet he knew it... by heart, as many others. While it didn't even feature Mulder and Scully.

And he was currently eying that packaging on the opposite sidewalk with growing interest.

"We take a look.", Batgirl ended up agreeing, seeing Vic was still obviously attracted by going through the trash. "But if it's not an immediate investigation, you. Will. _Dance_. Tonight. Whatever you say."

"... Fair enough.", he resigned.

But well... They all _enjoyed_ leading investigations. It was the best way to feel... alive. And they always had sooooo much fun when they worked together on a case. In fact it was... one of their favorite family outing.

Case or not however, they _were_ going to have fun tonight.

Will it be by playing vigilante and chasing after bad guys (reals or not, it won't be the first time they took very seriously what was, they were _aware_ of it, a complete craziness and tried to find evidence and clues on it as if it was a proper investigation), or by attesting how handsome of a dancer Vic Sage was.

At least, how handsome he _thought_ he was once he started moving and forgot he complained heavily about being dragged into dancing shortly before. It gave a bunch of incredibly amusing scenes. Because all along when he danced, Vic had this characteristic to be executing every move with a deadly serious expression and a concentrated attitude, proving how totally convinced of himself he was as he practised robotic moves for _every_ song, except the ones where it could actually be appropriate. Or, and these sights were pure gold, when he felt more entertained than the usual and put on _disco_ movements, never on tempo with the music of course, not even once. Dick taught him well.

Since one particularly epic Friday night when Nightwing and Question... killed it, litteraly ; the solemn decision had been taken by the _entire_ Batfamily and friends to prevent them from hosting a party together again. Barbara and Edward wanted to make sure that pictures of an evening like this last Friday night will never appear in anybody's cellphone again. For their boyfriends' shake, and for the rest of the world's as well. Not _ever_. At least that's what they said on the morning when they saw the images. Then... until the next party Dick and Vic effectively organized, often with Steph's help. Though most of the time, these ended under similar conditions with memorable moments. For everybody's greatest enjoyment.

Stephanie held back another laugh. In any case, they were going to spend a lovely Friday night.

What could she say, she simply _loved_ the life with her two nerd, genius, drama queen, terrible dancer dads.

 


End file.
